The Not-So-Single Girl Chronicles
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the settlement plan.
Hello my lovely ladies, long time no talk! I’ve missed this ya know—the writing/ blogging/ engaging with my single ladies, I’ve definitely missed it, and after traveling to a DC for a bachelorette party, I’ve definitely gained perspective, and I thought who better to share it with than you all.
Now, let me preface this blog post by reiterating the fact that I am a relatively young lover (22 years old to be exact) and I of course have plenty left to learn about love, life, and relationships. My cousin, however, is 28, engaged, and preparing for her fabulously fall wedding slated for September 15th. I admire her position in life—this is not to say that I would necessarily trade in my 22 year old lifestyle to take on her much more established way of life, or that I am considering the possibility of marriage in the near future—however, my admiration for her and where she is in her life still stands. As hard as I have tried to build in relationships it seems as if the factor of failing always weighs greater than my successes, and to be quite frank, it hurts… like hell. This is of course a personal problem, but the thought of a young woman only 6 years my senior engaged and prepared to make that walk down the aisle allows me hope. I’ll have you know single ladies, one day that’ll be me—my life void of marriage isn’t exactly an option. Although my campaign for love-ever-after is still alive and kicking visitation rights with my ex/current-lover are still permissible (primarily because I genuinely believe our souls are intrinsically aliened yet we both have an incredible amount of growing to do, and I can’t say the distance and our past drama serves as our relationship’s biggest asset). I love him—wholly, completely, and thoroughly—I love him.
However, despite how emotionally connected I am to this man, I refuse to allow his erroneous behavior to impede my evolution in life and love as a young adult. He can easily get the boot, he has gotten the boot, and there is currently a boot tap dancing around the broken relationship we’re currently trying to piece back together. The relationship we have now is not representative of the marriage I want with my future husband. True, our passion is everything, however, our practices are quite the opposite—in moments of anger, our progress delineates and everything we’ve worked so diligently for as a couple begins to crumble. I would never allow him all the blame, and deny the responsibility of my wrongdoings. In many instances I am just as guilty as he is, but I assure you single ladies… a girl is trying!
On an alternative note, this weekend, I had the pleasure of meeting E, a gorgeous 30 year old IT engineer who has recently become engaged to a play-boy-party-promoter type. I love that she’s engaged, and I pray that she’s in a relationship that she deems happy and healthy. He on the other hand seems to be on the same maturity level as my ex/current-lover, and at 30 years of age I consider it quite unacceptable to be parading around as if you’re 21 year old young man. Because he’s a party promoter, the red carpet was laid out for my cousin and her guest as we partied at DC’s Bar 7, and neither him nor the women that sought to cling to him shied away from being on the scene. Although his behavior surprised me, E seemed quite accustomed to it—even accepting of it. More than anything, her consent to the situation made me uneasy.
My point is I pray that despite how much I love my ex/current-lover this isn’t us in 6-8 years. I pray that I don’t somehow swap out the idea of maintaining standards and instead adopt a practice of simply settling—yet, to each [her] own. Single ladies, my prayer for the next few years of my life (when it comes to love and relationships) may not mirror your own, but there is definitely something to be said about doing away with the awful practice of settling. I advice you all to stand clear of the settlement plan. Bcause honestly, why should marvelous you have to settle for pathetic play-boy him? You don’t, and you shouldn’t.
live & love.